Wearing a turtleneck is like
getting strangled by a
really weak guy all day. - comedian Mitch Herbert
Have you heard the expression "If
these walls could talk?" It means
"If people only knew the interesting
things that happen in this room.''
But whenever I hear that expression,
I always think, What could be
happening in that room that is more
interesting than the fact that the
walls can talk? - comedian summon thong
What did one snowman say to
the other? I smell carrots too."
The woman sashays out of the
bedroom modeling a lovely garment.
"Look at this!'' she says to her
husband. We've had it for 20 years,
and it still fits
Her husband nods. "it's a scarf.''
Submitted by D. Golightly,
South Shields, Great Britain
So That's Who He Is
This correction ran in a recent issue
of vogue: "In the September profile
of Chelsea Clinton, Dan Baer was
mistakenly identified as an interior
designer. He is a deputy assistant
secretary for the Bureau of Democracy,
Human Rights, and Labor at
the U.S. Department of state."
In the natural childbirth classes my
wife and I took, the birthing process
was represented by a hand puppet
being pushed through a sock. So
at the actual birth, I was shocked to
see all this blood. The thing I had
prepared myself for was a lot of lint.
- Comedian Steve scrovan
A wife texts her husband on a frosty
winters morning. Windows
frozen!''
Her husband texts back, pour
lukewarm water over it."
Five minutes later comes her
reply: "computer completely
messed up now." - catherin hiscox,
Hemel Hempstead, Great Britain.
My husband asked me to dress
up as a nurse tonight to fulfill his
fantasy ... that we have health
insurance. - Comedian Wendy liebman
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